honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
