i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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