Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
