he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
