Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
