Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
