I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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