yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm too high and old for this...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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