i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
