Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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