I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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