I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
