She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
