i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
