tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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