Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
