last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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