I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
