Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
