she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
