So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
