Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
