Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
