No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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