can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
