and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
