You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
