I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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