ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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