I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
