It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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