Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
