haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I want a musical about memes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
