I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
