My cat gives me a boner
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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