Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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