i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
