that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
