I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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