Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
