my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
