I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
