end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
