the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
