i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
