Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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