when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
