He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
