So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
