I want to walk on stilts...naked
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
