I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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