umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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