She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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