cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
