the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
