Your mouth is God's brothel.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
